we made out on top of his cat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
