Need sex. Gaining weight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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