How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
