Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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