No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize