All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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