That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
