By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no you cant smoke seaweed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
