I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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