There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
