Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
