i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
