his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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