She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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