it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
