I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
