had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
