I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
