Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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