I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
