Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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