vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
