if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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