apparently the secret to your success is patron
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
