we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this boner is exhausting
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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