She announced her abortion via fbk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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