i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
