told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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