my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
