i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
