WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
