if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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