im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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