i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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