dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
