my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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