She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
