Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
