I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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