You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
