Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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