I wish I could teleport
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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