have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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