am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
