I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
