i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
