the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
