Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
