you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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