Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
