Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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