Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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