those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
