I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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