So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
