Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is