Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.