your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.