i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda