I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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