none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
