dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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