i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
