check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
