i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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