I cannot find my penis.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
