where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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