plz talk dirty to me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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