He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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