at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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