Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
