He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
how drunk are you?
Several
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
