I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
