My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
