Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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