Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
