I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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